[Poems to My Killer] Farewell Words.

Too proud, strong baby. I won’t kneel, I won’t bow.

I accepted the title, the heartless ice queen.

I was too weak but couldn’t show it.

Just to save my face, I smiled and gave them a heavenly look.

I smiled and poisoned their joy.

I laughed when they thought they won.

I watch from a distant, I hold on to my heart.

I have nothing else to fight for, no one left to hold on to.

I’m frozen inside, the answer is always stay strong.

To hell with all this strength, to hell with all your lies.

I just wanna close my eyes, and to my heart I will hold on and hide.




[Class Zero]: Dear Mother

I’ve never seen someone so simple yet complicated like my mother.

Both of us so stubborn, both of us argue and listen to only our own voice.

My mum over 50 now wishes nothing but to marry-off her 3 kids (Me, my 19 years old sister and my 16 years old brother) in order that starts with me.

When we argue she wishes that I get married, in valentine she wishes that I get married, when it rains she wishes that I get married… When she’s happy or sad she still wishes that I would get married.

My mum’s wish in life is so simple, after many years from now, after even I leave this world when someone read this they will simply agree that it’s a simple wish and that I’m an ungrateful daughter ’cause I can’t give the mother who gave up her life to raise me and my siblings something that simple. Honestly, even I sometimes look at the whole situation that way too.

I never do anything to make my mum happy, I never will mostly; yet, I’m just astonished by how everything she wishes in life could be described with one word!

My mum is great mother and a great woman too, that’s not just my words framing her in a sweet motherly picture but everyone’s opinion when it comes to my mum. I wish I could write more about her and share some of our funny sweet and crazy moments but I’m keeping my great mum a secret so no one would try and steal her away from me.

The reason why I’m writing this is a question from a friend of mine got me pretty puzzled. He was wondering why my family which is having little money is happier despite all of our problems while his family -which is wealthy- seems okay but in fact broken?

The only reason I found was my parents, my father I always talk ’bout him he was and still the light in my heart and life and my mum the strong woman who would do anything for her kids just to keep them safe underneath her wings. Their love to us and to each other is the light in our lives and in our noisy warm house.

Msh 3ayza Atgawez Means A Bad Girl (1)

Girl and broken window

Being a feminist is not all ’bout women rights and freedom, the one true drive behind feminism is respect.

Right now, the need for respect is building the revolution of women that will change the picture men of this era created of females.

As a middle eastern young woman, I first thought its just this area of the world that treat women with much disrespect. Nothing changed except knowing that even if women here are treated with much disrespect, in everywhere in the world women are being treated unfairly in almost every possible way.

But to be more accurate I will only mention the things I observed around me generally.

“Msh 3ayza Atgawez” my title which means literally I don’t want to get married is pretty much considered a forbidden line that turns a good woman to a ‘bad‘ one in front of this society, that considers a woman without a man either ‘bad’ or ‘insane’.

With bad here I meant like the same way western societies look at a man with many affairs as a ‘Playboy‘ but if its a woman it makes her a ‘Slut’.

This is how bad they consider a woman who refuses the whole idealistic marriage idea.

As a 20 something here its official that I should be in the market as a product available for marriage, I did not like that and I made a statement to make it clear Msh 3ayza Atgawez.

It was like waking a sleeping volcano in a very disturbing climate, things changed from normal colors to black and the worst when my mother said I looked like a whore when I said that.

The disagreement between us “me and my mum” is quite normal with every subject, but this time it really developed to a very dangerous point.

Suddenly I went from a normal daughter to a girl my mum can’t trust and need to monitor her every move, going out makes her feel like I will run away from that lovely squashing prison that I call home, any idea of developing in my career away from her firm grip on me and my life is obviously refused to the point that sometimes I feel like she will lock me home just to make sure I won’t even go to work.

The issue between me and my mum is not the real problem, its being itemized as ‘bad’ just ’cause I refuse to have a man in my life.

I’m a normal girl who date and go out, work and go shopping, independent compared to everyone in my age, hard working with a promising future, so now do I really need a man in my life??? My answer is no, my society would say yes BECAUSE its how its supposed to be.

I can’t live, dream or breathe until I marry someone and officially then I will be considered a human being, by then I would be considered someone’s wife and the society would say that he’s my priority now which would cancel living dreaming and breathing again.

So I either accept or turn into ‘bad’?

Another problem that I saw around is that many girls actually believe that they are nothing without a husband!!!

I can’t possibly think of that as normal even with everyone around giving me that look that says you re just a crazy bitch, I certainly can’t even understand the reasons behind believing in such a thing!!!… [To be continued]