[Class Zero]: Dear Mother

I’ve never seen someone so simple yet complicated like my mother.

Both of us so stubborn, both of us argue and listen to only our own voice.

My mum over 50 now wishes nothing but to marry-off her 3 kids (Me, my 19 years old sister and my 16 years old brother) in order that starts with me.

When we argue she wishes that I get married, in valentine she wishes that I get married, when it rains she wishes that I get married… When she’s happy or sad she still wishes that I would get married.

My mum’s wish in life is so simple, after many years from now, after even I leave this world when someone read this they will simply agree that it’s a simple wish and that I’m an ungrateful daughter ’cause I can’t give the mother who gave up her life to raise me and my siblings something that simple. Honestly, even I sometimes look at the whole situation that way too.

I never do anything to make my mum happy, I never will mostly; yet, I’m just astonished by how everything she wishes in life could be described with one word!

My mum is great mother and a great woman too, that’s not just my words framing her in a sweet motherly picture but everyone’s opinion when it comes to my mum. I wish I could write more about her and share some of our funny sweet and crazy moments but I’m keeping my great mum a secret so no one would try and steal her away from me.

The reason why I’m writing this is a question from a friend of mine got me pretty puzzled. He was wondering why my family which is having little money is happier despite all of our problems while his family -which is wealthy- seems okay but in fact broken?

The only reason I found was my parents, my father I always talk ’bout him he was and still the light in my heart and life and my mum the strong woman who would do anything for her kids just to keep them safe underneath her wings. Their love to us and to each other is the light in our lives and in our noisy warm house.


Guilty (Poems to my killer)

I should be crying, if I’m looking in the mirror and not seeing myself I should be crying.

I feel the pain, yet I’m so cemented outside I show no reaction.

I look around trying to find safety, I find darkness swallowing me.

I close my eyes, I pray for my soul to be cleaned of this guilt.

I feel those burning tears trying to breathe, but I’m holding back.

I feel weak, I know I’m weak. Yet I keep my strongest face on.

I see the danger, but like a fool I walk through it then wonder why I get bruised.

Back to being guilty again, I’m sick of this shameless game.

Seeing people walking around, holding guilt like a winning card.

Am I mad??? Or maybe its just guilt giving me illusions???

Like a coward hiding behind my words, I won’t do a thing – I can’t do anything -.

Like a coward writing my killer a poem, begging time to heal my wounds.

Letting guilt win this round; I’m guilty, Can’t deny it can’t turn time around.

He Never Talk… Silence Story

Sitting in front of each other, no one know what to say, not a single idea, a real weired silence that makes you wanna scream and scream.

She’s looking at him, monitoring every single move like he was the sun, or maybe her god. He’s not even aware of her golden eyes memorizing his perfect lying face, or maybe his soul is what she’s really looking for.

He’s wish someone was here, any one other than her, he doesn’t want to hurt her, he doesn’t want to lie, but he’s doing both. He didn’t stop soon enough and also he can’t love her even if she offered him the whole world love. He can’t understand that she’s a real woman and like any real woman she can smell the lie, but with love blinding her, she’s hopeless.

He had a quick glance at her from time to time, playing with her hair and biting in a lazy way on her lips, she’s so sweet, a dream come true for every real man ,and it’s not only ’bout how she looks like, he know so well how smart she can be if she didn’t hide it under her sweet smile, she never grow up with he childish beauty.

She’s trying to make him notice her, she can go down on her knees and beg, just to get that warm look he used to give her, she can do a lot, she can do something many and any, she can go to the end, just to get that warm look again. She love him, she love that she love him, she love her life when she love him, she love her love for him.

He’s far away and she know that, it’s not just this table separating them, it’s a whole world and she’s ready to love him with all of that too.